An Open Letter

Dear United States Postal Service,

I am writing to you as a wholly dissatisfied customer. On two occasions since Thanksgiving this year, you have lost packages that were intended to be Christmas gifts. One contained tickets to a concert last weekend (it's now too late), and the other contained a DVD for my wife. Neither have been delivered, despite being mailed two to three weeks prior to my writing this. Both were sent with delivery confirmation numbers which I have provided to you. You have told me that delivery confirmation numbers don't allow you to track the packages until they are delivered. Alas, since they haven't been delivered, it appears we are chasing our tails.

As far as I have been able to tell, both items should have passed through your central Chicago sorting facility on their journeys. This is the only place where they both may have been, so for the sake of my conscience, I am assuming that they are there, comfortably sitting next to each other in their own little bin marked "Christmas Presents We Are Not Delivering This Year". My boss, who lives near that office, told me that they were hosting a public open house this afternoon to show off their systems and efficiency at the peak of the holiday season. Regretfully, I was unable to attend. I'm sure it would have been informative. Perhaps I would have even seen my own mail in its own little bin.

While your correspondence has been friendly over the past few days, I must inform you that I will no longer be requiring your "services". I have found that processing my bills electronically has been much more timely and efficient than receiving them through your offices, and several other parcel services go so far as to guarantee that my packages will be delivered to their recipients. I find both of these options quite helpful. If you intend to add those services at any time in the future, please let me know.

Sincerely,
Adam

P.S. Thank you for delivering the gifts from my sister and her husband and my grandparents. Those were quite unexpected surprises.

P.P.S. Please feel free to lose the junk mail you so faithfully deliver any time you'd like.